twelveten forums

By TwelveTen Staff 11-Nov-2010

 Girl, you might be a hoochie mama if …

 1. You’ve slept with all the men whose numbers are in your phone—except “Dad.”

 2. You can’t sit down in any of your skirts without making butt-to-seat contact.

 3. After the typical weekend of partying, your vag looks like a rare roast beef sandwich.

 4. You turn around when you hear someone you pass by call out “ho” thinking they know you.

 5. The CDC would like to get a hold of your loveseat.

 6. You have to use WD-40 to get your legs to close.

 7. You’d describe your personal style as “walk of shame.”

 8. A Chilean Miner was found buried in your hoo-ha.
 
 9. If you could only take one thing to a desert island, it’d be lube.

10. If your bed could talk, it would ask for a plastic cover.

11. If your vag could talk, well, it still couldn’t because it has a peen blocking it.

12. Your fave pair of jeans came with a built-in whale tail

13. Your ideal vacation is visiting the “Jersey Shore” hot tub.

14. You’ve had hundreds of pearl necklaces and none of them were from a jewelry store.

15. All your pants have holes in the crotch. Not from wear—you cut them for easy access.

16. More people would recognize you from the back view.

17. You got carpal tunnel from giving hand jobs.

By TwelveTen Staff 11-Nov-2010

In the interest of gender equality, I’m gonna bust man-whores too. So, dudes, you might be a playa if ….

 1. You say things like “This is where the magic happens”, but you’re just pointing to your crotch.

 2. Your underwear is more expensive than the “date” you go on.

 3. Your favorite color is leopard print.

 4. You swear by Spanish Fly.

 5. You wear sunglasses at night, not because you think it makes you look cooler, just because it makes more girls look hot.

 6. None of your guy friends will let you within 10 feet of their sister.

 7. You’ve had more drinks thrown on you than a wet T-shirt contest winner.

 8. Your peen is the American equivalent of the Blarney Stone.
 
 9. If the FBI sent a single one of your pubes to the lab, they’d get multiple DNA samples.

10. Your body has built up an immunity to crabs.

11. Your fave pair of pants are tear-away.

12. You’re not sure which Kate you’re calling, but it doesn’t matter.

13. You chase after more pussy on the street than animal control.

14. You hang out with a lot of chicks at a time so odds are you can get one of them to do you.

15. You spend more time in da club than you do on da job

16. Your fave cologne is a mix of Axe body spray and skank.

17. Your wang gets as much grease as your hair.

18. You think the subwoofer is an oral sex position.

By TwelveTen Staff 11-Nov-2010

She has a life of her own -- and it's pretty good to boot. Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. You seek adventure by traveling. And you take in life's pleasures -- from indulging in dessert to walking through the park on a sunny day. You don't expect your boyfriend to be your entire existence. In other words, you're not waiting for some man to show up, so you can get your "real life" started.She Never Makes the First Move. This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase.She is Sexy Without Being Trampy. This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down the road, Daily says. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee but only briefly. When the relationship gets more serious, and presumably more intimate, sexual touch and public displays of affection are more appropriate. At this point, it's okay to play footsie under the table.She Waits to Have Sex. Yes, the sexual revolution arrived long ago and few people expect a "pure white bride" nowadays. But sex is still a pretty big step for couples. Many women don't even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. When women have sex, they release a hormone called oxytocin (also referred to as "the cuddle hormone"), which some scientific researchers believe makes women feel extra warm and fuzzy for their sex partners. If a women do the deed too soon, they might make too much of a relationship that barely ever existed outside of the bedroom. When you inflate the significance of a relationship, the man often bolts. Wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man.She Does Little Things to Show She Cares. No, you do not have to turn into June Cleaver. The bottom line is that you should want to do the little things that let him know you care and you are paying attention to his individual needs. And he should do the same for you. She Should Be Her Boyfriend's Best Wingman -- Err, Wing Woman. Help him to look good in front of the boss. Laugh at his jokes and help him shine when it is important. Of course, again, he should do the same for you.She Never Turns On the Pressure. This one is important. Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure. Therefore, women should avoid calling and/or emailing him many times during the day or dropping hints about the future. In fact, keep the dreaded M-word (marriage) out of your vocabulary all together. Men don't want to constantly take the pulse of a relationshi. They would rather just enjoy it.She Does Not Take Any Crap -- From Anyone. A good woman never accepts bad behavior. Guys respect women with whom they can't get away with anything. If he knows there's a penalty -- like getting thrown to the curb -- for a serious violation like cheating, he'll respect you more, and he will be far less likely to do it. You should also never even bother to date married men, those who already have girlfriends or anyone who verbally or physically threatens or abuses you. Period. A Good Woman Always Chooses a Good Man. That means that you should look for someone who is honest and dependable. He has to treat you right. If he says he is going to be somewhere, he is there. Chivalry is not dead, by the way. Good manners are a deeper window into what kind of man he truly is. You should also have compatible views on money (which is the number one thing couples fight about). Even though they say opposites attract, savers should think twice before shacking up with wild spenders.She Knows That Love is the Biggest Part of the Mating Equation. Just how does a good woman know that she has found that crazy-for-you, toe-curling relationship? Some women have an "a-ha" moment, while love simply sneaks up on the rest. "I believe the feeling includes a unique sense of comfort and acceptance and the feeling that someone else's happiness is as important to you as your own. A certain amount of toe curling is key as well.